Why is marriage so hard?

Your wedding day opens the door of blissfulness, then, hopefully, a honeymoon of which dreams are made of.  The problem is, at some point, sooner or later, you realize you did not marry yourself.  You wake up from the “dream” and find out the other person doesn’t always agree with you.  They might not see everything the exact same way you do.  The bed is left unmade, socks are on the floor, dishes in the sink…. Whatever it may be, it conflicts with what you assumed would be an effortlessly magical relationship. 

What went wrong?  The answer…. Nothing is wrong.  Reality just rears its ugly head.  Conflicts arise, communication is not clear, and you wonder who this person is who you married.

That’s OK.  Paul, in 1Corinthians 7:28 warns us that those who choose marriage will have struggles.  But you just knew your marriage would be different, right?

What we might be missing is that God has the plan for marriage.  If we designed it, we would probably want us to pick someone who was just like us, and who would agree to whatever we wanted or suggested and be able to read our minds.  Basically, a mini-me.  But God had and has a greater plan.  Genesis 2:18 says that “God will make him a helper fit for him.”  So he made woman.

This “helper” was not to be subservient to him, but a helper.  The word used in this passage is more accurately meaning power or strength.  Is it any wonder that when man’s power and strength unite with woman’s power and strength there is plenty of opportunity for some clashes?  At the same time, God says that man and woman will unite in marriage and the two will become one flesh.  (Genesis 2:24) That is God’s plan, His will.  How can this work out?  The answer is only with the help of the Holy Spirit, sent by God to provide what we could not possibly provide, the marriage relationship as God designed.

Several years ago, Dr. Gary and Barb Rosberg conducted a survey of over 750 married couples, asking what the most important need was for each of the husbands and wives.  What was the most important need of both?  The need for unconditional love and acceptance.  How can we provide that for our spouse?

Jesus gave us the perfect example of unconditional love and acceptance.  He gave us something to strive for, to reach for.  Being human and by nature flawed, no matter how much we try, we somehow fall short of being able to always provide unconditional love and acceptance perfectly in all cases and for our spouse.  However, after Jesus died and rose again and before he ascended into heaven, He promised to send a helper, namely the Holy Spirit, who would be available to all those who accepted Him as Lord and Savior and asked Him into their hearts to take control and do what we, with our human limitations, cannot do.  The Holy Spirit will help us extend the unconditional love and acceptance to our spouse that by ourselves, cannot do nearly as well.

What is the “secret” to a marriage the way God intended?  Calling on the Holy Spirit to speak to us and through us to be the spouse that we cannot be without His help, His guidance and support.  Not only extend love and acceptance, but also learn to communicate, resolve those inevitable conflicts, and help one another grow in our relationship with God.  Together we can grow close to one another while growing, individually and together, closer to God. 

Can a marriage survive without God?  Maybe. More than survive, why not thrive? With God – the Holy Spirit- it is possible to overcome the struggles all marriages face and find the joy and happiness that God wants us to experience.  Make no mistake, it will still take work.  Lots of work.

If you would like to have some help in making your marriage all God intended it to be, we would love to be your coaches.  You can always reach out to us via our website: www.LKRChristianLifeCoaching.com or email me at Ken@LKRChristianLifeCoaching.com.

And by the way, our marriage is still a work in progress, too!